Then and Now
by CarissaLynn
Summary: Voldemort has been defeated and Harry has decided that it is time to learn more about his parents. Parellels the relationship between H/G and L/J.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All characters, settings, etc. belong to JKR and the various companies she chooses to do business with. They do not belong to me, I am only borrowing them.  
  
A/N: Thanks to Anne for beta-reading this for me and thanks to the Queens for posting this on thier site.  
  
  
  
Then and Now  
  
  
  
  
  
The boy with the messy black hair tiptoed down the stairs into the Gryffindor common room with his invisibility cloak in hand. He hadn't been able to sleep and decided to go for a walk to clear his head. As he quietly entered the common room, he froze. Seated in front of the fireplace was the very person who was in his thoughts just five minutes before. (Those were the thoughts which had kept him awake until two a.m. and those were the thoughts from which he was trying to escape.) "Damn," he thought. Why did she have to be so beautiful, her dark red hair catching the barely there light from the fireplace and looking as though it were almost glowing. She was holding a letter, reading and re-reading it unaware that she was no longer alone. She seemed mesmerized by that letter. Her hands were shaking and he noticed that she was crying. He was torn between running to her and holding her in his arms until she could smile again and slipping away unnoticed. He took a deep breath and began to quietly slip on his invisibility cloak and continue out of the common room, deciding that she needed her privacy and he desperately needed to clear his mind. Just then, she turned her head and saw him standing there.  
  
"Hi?" she said, clearly confused by the sight of him standing in the doorway watching her. "What are you doing up at this hour?"  
  
He quietly walked to her and sat down beside her on the sofa, very near her, but not close enough to touch her. "I was just going for a walk. I couldn't sleep. Are you alright?" she shook her head. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked softly.  
  
"No," was her only reply.  
  
He sat there just watching her for nearly ten minutes but still she said nothing. He knew that he should go, that he was intruding on her privacy, but he was unable to move away from her side. He wanted so much to comfort her, to tell her everything was going to be all right. As it was though, he didn't even know what it was that had her so upset. She had stopped crying when he sat down, but still she just kept staring at that letter with the saddest expression he had ever seen.  
  
Finally, she turned to him and said in a voice barely loud enough for him to hear, "It's my parents. They're dead." Tears were beginning to run down her checks again.  
  
"What happened?" he asked, his heart beginning to break for her.  
  
"Auto accident," she whispered.  
  
"Oh," was the only reply he could think of. After a few moments, he regained his composure and asked her if Dumbledore knew.  
  
"Yes," she replied. "He called me to his office and gave me the letter. He offered to let me stay and talk about it but I really just wanted to be by myself."  
  
"I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone," he replied moving to get up.  
  
She reached out her hand and placed it lightly on his arm. "No, don't go, please. I want you to stay."  
  
He sat back down, confused, not knowing what to say or do. As he was desperately searching for the words that would make her pain disappear, she leaned over, resting her head on his shoulder. He put his arm around her and gently pulled her to him. "Tell me about your parents."  
  
She reached up a hand to wipe away her tears that seemed to be coming more rapidly now and said simply, "They were wonderful." After a few moments she added, "They always made sure my sister and I had everything we needed. They told us we could do anything we set our minds to. I don't know what I'm going to do without them."  
  
The two of them sat like that on the couch for nearly an hour. James was thinking about the woman in his arms; it felt so right to be holding her like this. His Lily! Of course, she wasn't really his Lily. Not yet anyway, but he hoped that maybe some day she would be. They had been friends for nearly seven years now, not good friends, but more than acquaintances. Only in the past year, however, had he began to notice how beautiful and special she was and he resolved to get to know her better. James was lost in these thoughts about Lily; how smart she was and how her smile lit up the room and how soft her hair felt under his hand, when he felt her shift in his arms. He noticed her slow and steady breathing and realized she'd fallen asleep. Carefully, he leaned back on the couch, slowly pulling her with him and soon he, too, fell asleep.  
  
A few hours later, soft sunlight crept into the common room, waking James. He looked down at Lily sleeping so peacefully and wished there was something he could do so that she didn't have to wake up in the cruel world, full of pain, that had surrounded her before she fell asleep. However, all he could do was allow her a few more minutes of calming sleep. James was unsure of how long they remained like that, but the sun continued to shine brighter through the common room windows and he knew he would have to wake her soon to save her the embarrassment of being found in such a compromising situation. Gently, he shook her, whispering her name to wake her. She opened her eyes, saw James looking at her with apprehension and sat bolt upright. James watched her as her confusion faded and was replaced with harsh reality. She glanced from James to the letter still clutched in her hand and began to once again fight back tears.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I'm sure you didn't want to stay here all night while I cried on your shoulder."  
  
He looked into her bright green eyes, which were usually sparkling with happiness and light. Now there was only sadness there. He would have given anything to make that sadness disappear, even for a single minute. "It's o.k." he said, brushing a strand of hair away from her face.  
  
  
  
She met his eyes for the first time that morning. Before he realized what he was doing, he leaned forward and tenderly kissed her on the lips. As soon as the realization set in that he was, in fact, kissing her, he jerked away, hoping she wouldn't think he was taking advantage of her. She looked at him questioningly for a few moments before saying, "Thank you for being there for me. I really needed a friend."  
  
"You're welcome," was all he could think to say before she disappeared up the stairs to her room.  
  
*************************************************************  
  
Harry folded his letter from Sirius. Ever since Voldemort had been defeated last year, he had decided that he wanted to learn more about his parents. He had always been curious about them and now that he wasn't spending his time trying to save himself or some other unfortunate soul from the wrath of his nemesis, he wanted to know exactly what they were like as people. Sure, he had heard their last moments and seen their ghostly shadows but he didn't know just what kind of people they were. He knew they were Head Boy and Girl and his mum had the same emerald green eyes he had. He knew his dad liked to play practical jokes and was on the Quidditch team, but suddenly that limited information was not enough to satisfy him. He wanted to know things like did his mum have lots of boyfriends before his dad? And how, exactly did his dad manage to be a marauder and Head Boy? So he had written to Sirius and asked him to tell him about how his parents had become a couple. It seemed as good a place as any to start.  
  
Harry opened his letter again and thought, so that's how they first got together. His dad had loved his mum for a year, but it had taken a tragedy to bring them together. Harry sat back and thought about the girl he has loved for nearly a year. She had red hair too, though much brighter than his mum's and soulful chocolate brown eyes. He sighed, hoping it wouldn't take a tragedy to bring him and Ginny together. "Well, maybe it won't have to," he thought, "maybe I'll just take matters into my own hands." That's just what he resolved to do as he folded his letter and put it away. 


	2. Chapter 2

Then and Now  
  
  
  
Chapter Two  
  
  
  
Harry was sitting at a small table in the common room trying very hard to concentrate on his History of Magic essay but failing miserably. His thoughts were more often focused on the beautiful redhead he was in love with than on knights, goblins and revolutions. Of course, his thoughts were usually directed towards Ginny Weasley. She was always there in his thoughts even when he wasn't thinking about her. The only problem was, she didn't know how he felt about her. She didn't know that when he was within ten feet of her, his heart jumped into his throat, and he felt as though he would pass out. She had no idea that he thought she was the most perfect person ever created and that no matter how much time he spent with her, he always felt empty when she went away.  
  
No, he had hidden his feelings for her very well, maybe too well.  
  
He had made a decision to finally tell her exactly how he felt (or at least ask her out). Of course, that was over a week ago, and it was much easier said than done. He had been trying to work up the courage to go through with it for five days now. So far, however, he had only managed to convince himself that the timing just wasn't right, but the truth was that he was just plain scared.  
  
He sighed and slammed his book shut out of frustration. It's now or never, he resolved to himself, taking a deep breath to try and calm himself. He decided that he should get this over with, even if it would turn out to be the stupidest thing he'd ever done.  
  
As he slowly approached the table where Ginny sat working on some homework of her own with a few of her friends, his mind filled with every negative thought imaginable. She'll probably laugh at me, he said to himself. There's no chance that she still likes me. I didn't help that his legs felt as though they were filled with cement and he felt so light-headed, he thought he would surely pass out.  
  
At last, he reached the sofa, after what was definitely the longest walk across the common room he had taken in all his seven years at Hogwarts. All three girls looked up at him with questioning expressions. Harry opened his mouth to speak, but nothing would come out. He was debating whether or not to run away and hide under a rock for the rest of the term, when he heard a voice that sounded eerily like his own say, "Ginny, can I speak to you?"  
  
Ginny looked a little confused as she said, "Alright."  
  
Harry quickly glanced around the busy common room and decided it was not the place to have this conversation. What if she said no? Every student in Gryffindor would be a witness to his humiliation. With that thought in mind, he led the way out the portrait hole. Hopefully, no one would be in the hall. Now Ginny looked even more confused, but she followed Harry into the deserted corridor.  
  
"What's going on Harry? Is something wrong?" she asked with both uncertainty and concern in her voice.  
  
"No. Nothing's wrong," he said, mentally cursing himself for not having thought this completely through. He still had no idea what to say. He stood in front of her, looking as awkward as he felt, for what seemed to be an eternity.  
  
"Um. I just wanted to talk to you about something," he said at last. But his heart was beating so rapidly and his head was spinning so quickly, that he was unable to continue with this overwhelming task. He was only able to lean against the wall and look bewildered. Why is this so difficult? Just get it over with. He kept repeating those thoughts as he fought the desire to forget the whole idea and just make up some lame excuse for having brought her into the hall.  
  
After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, Ginny finally spoke up. "Er.what was it you wanted to talk to me about? I really have loads of homework to do."  
  
Harry stared at her for a few more moments, still trying to decide what to do. He eventually gained enough composure to reply, somewhat coherently, "I.well.I was just wondering.well.would you like to go out with me. sometime?"  
  
Ginny did not respond immediately. She only stared at Harry with a look of such intense concentration that he would have thought she was trying to solve a complex Arithmancy problem if he hadn't just asked her out. Finally, she shook her head slightly, as if to clear her thoughts, took a deep breath, and replied, "No, I don't think that would be a good idea."  
  
Harry didn't know how to react. They simply stood looking at one another, neither knowing what to do now. After what seemed like an eternity, Ginny said very quietly, "I'm sorry. I just can't right now." With that, she went back through the portrait hole into the common room, leaving Harry alone in the hall.  
  
Harry continued to stand in the hallway, glued to the floor, staring at the spot where Ginny had been only seconds before. Slowly, he turned and walked away from the common room. He had no idea where he was going, he only knew he couldn't g back in there. He felt heartbroken and humiliated and he just wanted to be alone to sort through what had just happened. He hadn't expected her to say yes, but somehow he was still shocked. After he first asked her, he had thought that there was a chance that she might say yes. It seemed like she wanted to say yes.  
  
Why did she say no?  
  
He had known that she had gotten over her childhood crush on him. He realized that the summer before his sixth year when he had gotten to know her better. That summer Dumbledore had allowed him to spend a considerable amount of time at the Burrow. He even got to spend his birthday there. He smiled to himself as he remembered the only real birthday party he had ever had. His smile quickly faded, however, as he remembered what had just passed between him and Ginny.  
  
At least now, he knew how she felt about him. She had gotten over him completely. And now, he had no choice but to get over her. Forget about her, he thought to himself. But he knew, deep in his heart it wouldn't be that easy. Actually, he felt certain that getting over Ginny Weasley would be the hardest thing he had ever done.  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Just wanted to reassure you that H/G will get together in the end. Do not fret, and please don't hate me. 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three  
  
Defence Against the Dark Arts had been one of Harry's favourite subjects since his third year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It was also his best subject and his current Professor, Remus Lupin, a close friend of his parents when they were in school, was by far his favourite teacher. However, today Harry was unable to concentrate on a single word of professor Lupin's lecture about the best way to disarm a hag. (They may be old, but they are also very fast.)  
  
Instead Harry was again thinking about Ginny. Two weeks ago he had asked her out, and two weeks ago she said no. Since then, Harry has been dealing with the situation the best way that he knew how.by avoiding her.  
  
If she was in the common room, Harry went to his dormitory. If she was in the Great Hall, having lunch, Harry could be found at the other end of the table as far away from her as possible. He couldn't even make eye contact with her when he passed her in the halls.  
  
Ron and Hermione had noticed this and asked him about his seemingly bizarre behaviour one day at breakfast. Harry had unconvincingly replied that he didn't know what they were talking about. "It's just coincidence, that's all."  
  
To that, Ron had said, "Okay," very slowly as though he found this feeble explanation difficult to believe. Hermione had simply looked at him with a peculiar expression on her face, as if she knew why, but she didn't press for further information. Just as well, Harry excused himself from the table within seconds of this conversation and had not been not seen again until he met Ron in the hall on his way up the North Tower to Divination.  
  
As his mind wandered back to Ginny, he thought about how her hair sparkled in the light of the fireplace and wished he could touch it, feeling its softness in his fingers. He sighed because he knew he would never be able to do that. Ginny had made it clear that she didn't want anything from him except friendship, and he wasn't able, at the moment, to give her just that. It was hard enough knowing that he would never be with her. Carrying on a coherent conversation was out of the question.  
  
Harry was startled from these thoughts by the sounds of his classmates packing up their books and preparing to leave for the next class. He began doing the same, hoping he didn't look as lost as he currently felt. As he, Ron and Hermione were walking out of the classroom, Remus stopped him and asked if he could stay behind for a few minutes.  
  
"Sure," he replied, indicating to his friends that he would see them in Transfiguration.  
  
"What did you need to see me about, Professor?" he asked, walking nearer to the desk.  
  
"How've you been Harry? Is everything okay?" he enquired in a concerned voice.  
  
"I'm fine," Harry replied, more than a little confused by the question.  
  
"Are you sure? You've seemed a bit distracted lately," Remus commented.  
  
"I'm fine," Harry replied, impatience etched in his voice. Why is he asking all these questions, he thought.  
  
Remus continued to study him as if he were trying to assess the situation but did not say anything else.  
  
"May I go now, Professor? I'm going to be late for my next class."  
  
"Yes, you may go," he sighed. "But Harry, if you ever need to talk, please know that I am here for you. I feel as though you are a part of my family. I guess because I was so close to your parents."  
  
Harry gave a small but grateful smile as he said, "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind."  
  
  
  
* * * * * *  
  
After dinner that evening, while Harry was working on his divination homework with Ron at a small table by the fire in the common room, Ginny walked through the portrait hole. She sat down a few tables away them and began working on her own homework assignments. Harry glanced at her but quickly looked away, trying to stay focused on his work, even if it was only divination. Ron was in the middle of predicting a particularly gruesome death for the two of them when he noticed how uncomfortable Harry had suddenly become. He glanced swiftly around the common room and noticed Ginny.  
  
"Are you alright," he asked his friend.  
  
"Yeah, of course," replied Harry as he continued to feign concentration. "After you've been eaten by the Giant Squid, there's just no good way left to die."  
  
"You're absolutely right," Ron played along. "You'd think that after You- Know-Who had been defeated, Trelawney would have given up predicting your death."  
  
"Yeah, she's insane, you know. Though I would've also thought that you'd be able to say Voldemort's name now, " teased Harry.  
  
"Hey, I can say it.Voldemort," Ron said in his defence. "It's just a habit to say You-Know-Who."  
  
"Right, " laughed Harry as he glanced at Ginny again. She seemed to be mesmerised by the essay she was working on. Harry sighed and looked away, his good mood now forgotten. He tried to regain the concentration he lost when he looked at her, but it was a futile effort. He sighed again as he said to Ron, "I've got some work to do in the library before it closes. I'll see you later, okay."  
  
Ron looked between Harry and Ginny but only said, "Okay, I'll see you later, " as Harry turned and walked out of the common room.  
  
  
  
* * * * * *  
  
Harry was standing in front of the door to Remus Lupin's office trying to decide whether or not to knock. He had never intended to go to the library; that was just a ploy to get out of the common room without rousing any suspicion from Ron (though he was sure his ploy hadn't worked). He decided, instead, that he needed to talk to someone about what he was going through and Remus had made the offer. The only problem was that he felt so silly about the whole thing. He was, after all, able to face down Voldemort and help in his defeat, but he couldn't overcome the problems he faced in his so-called love life. How absurd.  
  
Well, it's time I swallowed my pride, he thought as he knocked on the door. He knew he couldn't continue running and hiding from his problems, pretending they didn't exist.  
  
Remus opened the door and motioned for him to come in. After they exchanged pleasantries, Remus asked," What can I do for you, Harry?"  
  
"I just wanted to talk if that's alright. You're not too busy, are you?"  
  
"No, it's okay. What'd you want to talk about?" Remus asked.  
  
"Well, um, you know, this morning when you said that I had been distracted lately, you were right," Harry began explaining. "I have been distracted and I really don't know what to do anymore."  
  
"Oh," Remus answered. "Does this have anything to do with Ginny Weasley?"  
  
Harry looked surprised that Remus could guess this. "How did you know?"  
  
"Well, I've noticed how you seem to avoid her in the Great Hall. I've also noticed the way you look at her. It's the same way your dad used to look at your mum."  
  
"Oh," said Harry, fascinated by this information about his dad as well as Remus' intuition.  
  
"Well, what am I supposed to do then?"  
  
"I don't know, Harry. Why don't you tell me a little more about the situation."  
  
And that's just what Harry did. He told Remus things that he hadn't told anyone else-how he had first become closer to Ginny and then drifted away from her from the combined pressure of being marked by Voldemort and classes (mostly Voldemort though). He also told Remus about first realising he was in love with Ginny and how he struggled to keep those feelings in check. He then explained what had happened between him and Ginny a few weeks ago and how he decided that he had to get over her but he didn't know how.  
  
After Harry finished his speech, Remus looked at him thoughtfully. He rubbed his chin, indicating that he was considering all that Harry just said. Finally he responded, "Harry, do you know how your parents first got together?"  
  
"Yes," Harry replied. "Sirius sent me a letter about that a few weeks ago. He said my dad comforted my mum after her parents died."  
  
"Did he tell you anything else?"  
  
"Just that my dad had loved my mum for a long time before he told her," Harry was clearly confused about this line of questioning. What about Ginny? he thought.  
  
"Would you like to know a bit more about what happened between them?"  
  
"I guess so," Harry replied, torn between learning more about his parents and his original purpose for coming here. "What does this have to do with me and Ginny?"  
  
"I think you'll understand soon enough," replied Remus and he began to reveal more details about his parents' relationship...  
  
To Be Continued 


	4. Chapter 4

****

Chapter Four

James Potter lay on his bed in the seventh years Gryffindor boys dormitory trying to sort through the mess that had become his life. Everything was suddenly so complicated. He desperately wanted things to go back to the way they were a month ago before he had kissed Lily Evans. Or she kissed him. He couldn't remember anymore and, at this point he wasn't even sure made any difference. She hadn't spoken to him since then and seemed to be taking every opportunity to avoid him. As he sighed and rolled over, the door to the dormitory opened. A few moments later he heard Sirius ask, "Uh...James...I was just wondering when you were coming down. We're about to leave for Hogsmeade."

"I'm not going," James replied without rolling over to look at Sirius.

"You can't stay up here and sulk forever."

"I'm not sulking," James said as he moved to sit up on the side of the bed. "I just don't want to go. We've been going there once a month for four years. I can't believe you still think it's still fun!"

Sirius blinked at him as though he didn't exactly know how to respond to that. "Fine! See you later then," he finally responded as he left the room leaving James alone with his thoughts. 

As soon as James was sure that his friends had indeed left for Hogsmeade, he got up and headed out of the common room towards the doors of the Entrance Hall. He needed fresh air, though he wasn't really sure if it would help his mood. He walked quietly through the halls, trying to make as little noise as possible. Even though he wasn't breaking any rules, there were just some people he didn't want to run into, especially given his foul disposition. Once safely outside, he headed towards the Quidditch pitch without really thinking about it. However, instead of getting his broom, he headed to the top row of the stands. He had only been there as a spectator and he now discovered that it was a good place to sit and think without being easily discovered. As he scanned the grounds of the Hogwarts campus, his eyes landed on a blur of red and black. He squinted, trying to discern the identity of the figure. 

__

Great, he thought to himself. It was Lily Evans. He slouched further down into his seat, hoping she wouldn't notice him. He heard her footsteps climbing towards his section. He chanced a glance in her direction. She didn't seem to notice him yet, but she was getting closer to him. Suddenly, a few feet from him, she stopped, her eyes finally focusing on him. 

She spoke softly, "I didn't think anyone was up here. Sometimes I come up here to think and clear my head." Her voice was distant, as if she were talking to no one in particular. 

James was unable to respond. He only stared blankly at her. 

"Do you mind if I sit here?" she asked, motioning to the seat next to him. 

"No, " he replied and he stood up before she could sit down. "I'll leave so that you can be alone." He stood up to leave.

However, just as he was walking past her, she lightly placed her hand on his arm and whispered, "Bye." This simple gesture caused him to stop and look down into her eyes searching his for an answer. Did she want him to stay or go?

All he got were more questions.

Perhaps it was the light touch of Lily's hand on his arm or the way she was looking at him at that moment or maybe it was just the fact that she didn't seem to want him to leave although she had been running from him for the past few weeks, but James seemed to be suddenly overcome with _something_. Exactly what, he wasn't sure, but it caused him to do the stupidest thing he had ever done. "I think I'm in love with you!" he blurted out abruptly.

Lily was visibly startled by this unexpected revelation. She quickly dropped her hand from his arm and sat dropped down into the nearest seat. 

James silently and carefully sat down next to her. For a long time, neither one said anything. They only stared out across the Hogwart's grounds, each lost in their own thoughts. Finally, Lily, sighed and broke the silence. "It's really beautiful up here, isn't it?" she asked. 

"Yes," James replied. He was too upset with himself to say anything more, not that anything could be as stupid as what he'd just said. 

"I come up here a lot to think and clear my head," Lily said after a short pause. 

"You said that already," James said, turning slightly to look at her.

She ignored him and continued, "If you look through those trees, you can see the gate. It's the most beautiful sight at sunset, the way the light filters through." 

James reached over and gently touched her hand. "Did you hear what I said?" he asked with more than a hint of desperation in his voice. 

"I did, " Lily replied as she quickly jerked her hand away from his. "What do you want me to say?"

"Well, I was sort of hoping you'd say that you love me too," he said quietly. 

She shifted in her seat so she could look at him too. "Why do you think that you are in love with me," she confronted him.

He stared at her for a few moments before looking away. "It's not something that I can explain. I just know that I am." 

"But it can't be true," she said in a voice that almost seemed amused. "You don't know me well enough to be in love with me." 

"What?" he said, shocked that she could think that. "I've know you for almost seven years!" 

"You don't _really_ know me," she replied. "What's my favourite subject, how many bothers and sisters do I have? How long…"

"None of that matters," he interrupted. "I don't need to know all of those things to know that I love you." He said this as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

"It's impossible," she said with a finality that caused his heart to shatter into a million tiny pieces.

"Fine. I'm sorry you feel that way, " he said, not bothering to keep the hurt out of his voice. 

This time when he got up to leave, she made no move to stop him.

* * * * * * * * * 

The next few months passed in a blur for the seventh year Gryffindors. Everyone was busy studying for the N.E.W.T.'s and making plans for their futures without school. They were so busy, in fact, that no one noticed anything was different between Lily and James. It was so easy for them to avoid one another in all the confusion of planning and studying that sometimes an entire week would pass in which they hadn't even seen each other once. 

For James the torture was almost unbearable. He knew that he should be studying and planning for his own future. However, the thought of not having Lily in that future frightened him so much that he wasn't sure of he could face it. If things didn't improve between the two of them, it was very likely that he would never see her again after they left school. 

About a month before school ended, James made a decision. He was going to make sure that he and Lily at least remained friends after they left school. He wasn't sure just how he was going to accomplish this, but he was sure that it would involve awkward silences and uncomfortable moments. Exactly the kind of thing he had been trying to avoid for the past few months. 

This decision was easily made in the comfort of his own room where there was no chance of him running into Lily but when he walked into the library later that day and saw her sitting at a table, surrounded by books and parchment, he felt that becoming her friend again would be the hardest thing he had ever done. James took a deep breath summoning the courage to approach her table. As he neared, she looked up and seemed startled to notice that he was actually coming over to talk to her/ James wasn't sure if she was going to yell at him or ignore him so when she simply said, "Hi, James," he was pleasantly surprised. So surprised in fact that he continued to stand in front of her, gaping without response, for much longer that was customary. 

"You can sit down, if you want," she said breaking him away from his thoughts. 

"Thanks," he replied a as he took the seat across from her. "Studying?" As soon the question was out of his mouth, he mentally cursed himself for being so stupid. Of course she was studying. She _was_ in the library and they did have N.E.W.T.'s two weeks. 

"Yeah," she replied, looking up at him with an exasperated expression in her face. "I'm having a little trouble with Transfiguration."

"Really, can I help? It's my best subject." 

"I know," she said and James couldn't help but smile a bit. "I just can't get the Prestiosus spell to work properly for me so I decided to look up the theory behind the incantation." The Prestiosus was a spell to transfigure a simple feather into a representation of something that the person casting it holds dear. It was very difficult and not everyone mastered it. Of course, it was also pretty useless and thus was only worth bonus points for an Advanced Transfiguration N.E.W.T. 

"Well," James replied, "you don't really need to do that. With this particular spell, you just need to concentrate and visualize the transformation taking place." 

"Visualize it! How are you supposed to do that? I don't even know what my feather would turn into."

"You don't have to. You just need to imagine the transformation taking place. As you are imagining it, the object will appear in you mind's eye and then you will be able to visualize it."

Lily didn't seem convinced. "I don't know," she said shaking her head. "It can't be that simple." 

"It is," James responded. "I think we can get some feathers and practice, if you want."

"All right , but what if we get caught? I'm Head Girl, you know. I can't go around getting into trouble," she teased. James and his group of friends were known trouble makers. No one understood how he ever became Head Boy.

"We won't get caught. Besides, Professor McGonnagal won't care as long as we are practising for our N.E.W.T.'s. She's not as bad as people think. And, besides, I'm Head Boy so how much trouble could we get into," he said smiling and giving her a wink. He couldn't believe how easy it still was to talk to her and wanted this feeling of easiness between the two of them to last as long as possible. 

* * * * * * * * * 

Lily and James had found feathers and were now sitting in an empty classroom ready to practice. "Remember what I told you," James said to Lily.

Lily lamented that the spell was impossible and she would never be able to do it. 

"Yes you will. It's not as hard as it sounds." James encouraged her. "Try it." 

"That's easy for you to say, your great at Transfiguration. I'll never be able to get it to work."

"Try it!" James said with a finality that left Lily little room to argue.

"Okay," she said as she took a deep breath and pointed her wand at the feather. "_Exprimo Precarus,_" she said.

****

Nothing happened.

She took another breath and said the incantation again. Still nothing happened. 

"See," she said frustrated. "I can't do it! I'm hopeless at Transfiguration."

"Calm down," said James as he briefly brushed her arm in an effort to pacify her. "It's a very difficult spell. Try this, maybe it'll help. Close your eyes."

Lily looked at him sceptically, but obeyed. 

"Now think about what it is that has always made you happy." As he watched her do this he noticed the corner of her mouth turn up into a small smile and he thought about how long it had been since he'd seen her smile, even a little. He also thought he had never seen her look more beautiful. "Have you got it?" he asked before he got carries away with himself and did something stupid again like kiss her.

"Mmm hmm," she responded, not wanting to let go of her happy memory.

"Good, now keep that thought in you mind as you recite the spell again. Ready?"

She opened her eyes and said, "_Exprimo Precarus_." This time her feather turned into a beautiful ornately carved mahogany music box. Lily was amazed. She reached out to touch the box, but jerked her hand away before she made contact with the wood. Before James could ask her what was wrong, she reached towards the music box again this time picking it up and opening it. As the song began to play, she gasped. "My mother used to sing that song to me when I was a child." Her voice was quiet, but filled with emotion and she seemed to be fighting back tears. 

This caused James's heart to break for her and all the hurt she was going through. At the same time he didn't know what to do. He had spoken to her a total of three times in as many months and two of those times he had made a colossal fool of himself. He Didn't want to do that again.

Before he had time to make a decision, however, Lily slammed the box closed, pointed her wand at it and said, "_Finite Incantatem_!"

Without looking at him, she began to pack away her things. James reached out and pulled her bag out of her hand. "You can't just run away every time you begin to feel something!" He was unsure if he was talking about her parents or him, but it didn't matter. He was sure she needed to hear it. 

"Yes I can," she said angrily. She reached for her bag, but James held it just out of her reach. 

"Talk to me," James said stubbornly. Lily's expression was one of fury. "I want to help you," James said in a softer tone.

Lily gave up and sat back down at the table. She sighed and placed her head in her hands. "I just don't know what to do anymore. Everything's so complicated. I can't let myself feel anything…" her voice trailed off.

James pulled his chair closer to hers so that he was facing her. He reached over and lightly brushed the hair out of her eyes. He let his hand linger for a few moments on her brow as he looked searchingly into her beautiful emerald eyes. At that moment he realized something: she was looking back at him. 

He finally let his hand drop, but he did not move away from her. "Petunia," he said almost in a whisper.

"What?"

James took a deep breath and continued, "Petunia is your sister's name, your favourite subject is charms, which is also your best, you have a little dog named Baxter and…"

Lily was startled. "How do you know all of that?"

"I told you already," he said.

Lily looked at him for a long time with wide eyes. Finally, she said in a voice that was barely audible, "Tell me again."

Now it was James's turn to looked startled for a moment. He took her hands into his and said, "I told you already…I love you. I think I will always love you."

Lily smiled at him, but did not say anything. Instead she leaned closer to him and kissed him on the cheek. "I think that I love you too," she murmured into his ear. 

James pulled back from her a little so he could look into her eyes. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure and I know that letting myself love you will be the hardest thing that I have ever done, but I have to do it because I can't bear to just leave here and never see you again." 

Now James was smiling. "Really? That's exactly what I thought," he said as he bent down to kiss her on the mouth. This kiss was entirely different from the first one that they had shared so many months ago. This one was full of electricity and passion and the promise of a future that they both finally knew that they would be spending together. 

A/N: The spell and incantation were taken directly from the Latin language and since I don't speak any Latin, I'm sure I butchered the usage of the words which I simply typed into an English to Latin translator. (In case you are wondering, _prestious_ means "precious", _exprimo_ means "represent" and _precarus_ means "to hold very dear".)

Also, I apologize to anyone who was hoping to see Remus. He, Harry and Ginny will be back in the next chapter. J 


	5. Chapter 5

****

Chapter 5

It was late and Harry had just left Professor Lupin's office. He had gone there to seek his professor's advice on Ginny. Harry didn't know what to do about her anymore. This whole situation was driving him mad. The more he tried to forget about her, the more he found himself actually thinking about her. It was useless. He was in love with her and she didn't return his feelings. He had resigned himself to move on, but he didn't know how, or if it was even possible.

Harry soon found himself in the common room without even realizing how he had got there. He was exhausted and wanted nothing more to be in the his room sleeping. Before he made it to the stairs leading up to his dormitory, however, he caught a splash of red out of the corner of his eye. He knew immediately that it was Ginny. Upon turning to face her, he noticed that she had apparently fallen asleep in one of the large armchairs by the fire. He made his way over to her and sat down next to her. Gently, he tried to shake her awake. "Ginny," he whispered softly several times but she didn't budge. He was about to give up and just carry her to her room when she squinted up at him, struggling to gain consciousness.

Ginny seemed to finally realise that it was Harry disturbing her slumber. "Oh, hi, Harry," she mumbled through a yawn. Harry opened his mouth to tell her to go up to bed when she did something that completely caught him off guard. "I've missed you!" she gasped as she flung her arms around his neck and buried her head in his chest.   
  
"Ginny," he said as he reluctantly tried to push her away and force her to go up to bed.

"No!" she exclaimed as she pressed herself closer to him. "Can't we just stay like this for a bit?"

Harry was now thoroughly confused. He knew she was still asleep and not entirely aware of what she was saying, but she felt so good in his arms and though he knew it was wrong, he found himself unable to let her go. He only hoped she didn't hate him in the morning. 

* * * * * * * * * 

Harry woke up early the next morning but Ginny was already gone. At first, he found himself wondering why he was in the common room instead of his bed. He groaned as he remembered his late night encounter with Ginny. She was going to hate him now for sure! He mentally cursed himself for not exercising more self control and sending Ginny off to bed. He knew it was the right thing to do but he hadn't been able to help himself. 

The sound of someone descending the girls staircase startled Harry from these thoughts. He quickly got up and went to his own dormitory room. On the way up, he vaguely wondered who was getting up so early. 

His question was answered when he was almost run over by Ron, who was already dressed. "Oh, good morning, Harry!" Ron didn't seem to notice that Harry was just now coming to bed. "I'm on my way to the library to study with Hermione before breakfast." 

"It's six o'clock in the morning! I can't even get you up this early for Quidditch practice. Since when do you study at this hour?" Harry immediately realized that his two best friends probably were going to do more than study and added quickly, before Ron had a chance to respond, "All right then, I'll see you at breakfast." Then he swiftly pushed past Ron before Ron could enquire about Harry himself being up at this hour. 

When Harry finally made it down to breakfast a few hours later, he found Ron and Hermione waiting for him even though they had long since finished eating. 

"Hi, Harry," Hermione greeted him. 

Ron, however didn't speak to Harry, nor was he able to look him in the eye. Instead, he got up and left, mumbling at Hermione that he had some things to do before class and would see her later, pointedly ignoring Harry. 

Harry watched Ron's retreating figure for a few seconds then shifted his gaze to Hermione. "What's wrong with him?"

Hermione didn't answer right away. She only gave Harry a very sharp look that told him he was in trouble though he didn't know why. 

Finally, she asked, "Did you know that Ginny didn't get to bed until about 5:30 this morning?" 

"No," Harry half lied. He really didn't know what time she went to bed since she was gone when he woke up, he rationalized with himself. "How do you know that anyway?" He was curious now.

"Ron and I overheard Ginny's friends talking about it. Ron seems to think it has something to do with you since you didn't make it to bed until early this morning either."

"Oh," sighed Harry guiltily. "Nothing happened, I promise. Please don't ask me anymore questions." He really didn't feel like dealing with this now and was grateful when Hermione agreed though she pointed out that Ron wouldn't be so understanding. 

* * * * * * * * * * 

Harry didn't see Ginny for the rest of the day. He assumed that they had gone back to avoiding one another so when she approached him in the common room later that night and asked him to go for a walk, he was surprised, to say the least. Ginny led Harry to the top row of the Quidditch stands. The same place, thought Harry, that his dad had blurted out his feelings for his mum. He hoped he wouldn't make the same mistake. He was quite sure it would ruin his friendship with Ginny for good. 

Ginny took a seat and motioned for him to sit down beside her. After a few awkward moments of silence, Ginny finally spoke up. "I'm sorry about last night. I'm sure you must have felt trapped."

Harry stared at her for a few moments before looking away. "Trapped is not exactly how I would describe it," Harry said. Besides, didn't she know he wanted to be trapped?

"Well, however you felt, I apologise for my behaviour. I shouldn't have put you in that position."

"It's okay, really," he reassured her. 

"Good! Then I'm glad it's all settled," she said with a swift nod to herself.

"It is....all settled." Harry was beginning to wish he were somewhere else, anywhere would do. This was the first real conversation he had had with her in over two months. It was awkward and uncomfortable and not going at all like he'd hoped, though much like he'd expected. He was about to make some excuse to get away when he heard her voice again.

"Why have you been avoiding me, Harry?"

__

Why? Was she really asking him that? "What do you mean?" He was clearly confused.

" You don't talk to me in the halls or at meals anymore. Every time we're in the same room, you're either on the other side of it or you suddenly remember something you forgot to do. Did I do something wrong?"

He had no response for this. It was true, he had been avoiding her but he was sure she knew why and that she preferred it that way. 

"I know you've always thought that I wanted something more from you, but I promise I just want to be your friend."

This made no sense to Harry. Had she forgotten that he had asked her out and she said no? Of course, he knew she only wanted to be his friend. She had made that exceptionally clear. 

"Ginny..." he began to protest but realised that he had to agree, even if he wanted so much more. He knew that it was either friends or nothing at all, and he couldn't tolerate nothing at all for much longer. "That's what I want too," he finished reluctantly.

For a brief second, he thought he saw disappointment flash in her eyes but before he could decide, she smiled and said, "Good, I've missed you." Then she promptly blushed and said, "I'm sorry, I just meant..." 

"It's okay," he stopped her. "I've missed you too." 

At those words she smiled. He really wanted to kiss her right then and there but he knew that wasn't something that a friend would do, so instead, he smiled back at her. The two of them got up and headed back to the castle, falling back into the comfort of their friendship. The past few months had been awkward but that was quicky overcome. Even though things hadn't happened the way he would have hoped, Harry was very relieved and happier than he had been in a while.


End file.
